*WARNING: Extremely text heavy post, but may be beneficial to anyone who's feeling heartbroken*
As I am sitting here beginning to write this I know it's going to be difficult. I'm going to try to open up without getting too personal, which is a problem that I have had in the past. I'm not sure I'll even post this, so if you are reading this, then know that writing this is difficult for me. I've been dealing with this one heartbreak for almost 2 years, and I only just feel like I am beginning to get over it.
Lets start at the beginning. I met this boy in year seven, and I fell head over heels for him. We went out a couple of times, we kissed and I knew then and there that he was the one for me. We lost our virginity together at the age of 15. We split up. A few years later we got back together and finally had the relationship that we both deserved. We got engaged at the age of 17, and came to university together. It was at university in particular that we started having serious problems, although we had problems before coming too. We both became very different people. I became over emotional and irrational in my first year of uni, because I couldn't deal with being so far away from home. We stopped talking to each other and ultimately our relationship failed. I held out hope for 2 years. He came back into my life a few times and messed me (and his girlfriend at the time) around, only then to go back to her. Earlier this year we gave it one final shot. It didn't work out. I know we both want to blame each other heavily, but the truth is, we just don't work. I finally see that.
Now I'm not typing any of this to 'out' him, or to make him feel bad or anything like that. I'm writing it more as a help for other people, I want you to know that your aren't alone, and I'm here for you. Before when I would write anything like this about him I would cry, a lot. I'd feel such intense pain, but now, although I feel a slight sadness in my heart, I finally feel free. Of course I care about him still, and I want him to do well in the future, but at the same time, I respect myself enough to know that having him in my life is just destructive to the both of us. So I'm not doing it anymore. I've said 'It's over' a million times before, but at the time I only said that to try and get him back, as pathetic as it may seem. This time, I'm being 100% honest with myself. It... is... Over.
I've started reading a book: 'I Can Heal Your Broken Heart' - It's a self help book. I'm finding it really beneficial. I thought I'd just share some things I've learned from the first few chapters for anyone else who is having a bit of a difficult time.
When you fall in love with someone, you visualise a 'perfect' future with that person, possibly getting married, living together etc. When you split up that future is now ripped away from you. So you hold onto that 'perfect' future for dear life. You do this by:
- Reliving old memories
- Visiting places you used to go together
- Listening to songs that remind you of your ex
- Doing anything you can to cling on to their memory
- Constantly contacting your ex
All of these things mean you cling onto the 'hope' of rescuing that future that you've already imagined. What you don't realise is that by releasing yourself from this 'future', you are ultimately going to be lead to another better future with another person, and the same is true of your ex.
One of the best things I've done in the past weeks is to imagine all of the bad memories that I have of my ex. Not in the way that it makes me hate him, but in the way that it's made me realise that we had problems. I've broken out of the cycle of thinking that he is the only person in the world that I want to marry, because he isn't my 'one' anymore. He was A 'one' but not THE 'one'. At the same time though, I feel no grudge against him.
I can't believe I've been going through this vicious cycle of heartbreak for two years. Whenever my family or friends just told me to move on, I'd say I had, but really I didn't, and I just let him break my heart again. So if you are finding yourself in the same vicious cycle, just stop it. RIGHT NOW. No amount of hoping is going to change the fact that things in that relationship didn't work out. What you can hope for is the future, and the new better future that you are going to find in your next relationship. A great love isn't a love that causes this much hurt to both of you, a great love is one that you share with someone who can love you for ALL you are, and not just the bits that they like about you. I look forward to my new future with someone who can give me as much love as I am giving them!